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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, September 8th, 1920"


And you may reckon then, my son,
That not alone that luckless one
Lies pitiful and torn,
But millions more of either sex--
100 multiplied by x--
Will never now be born.
I daresay it will make you sick,
But so does all Arithmetic.
The gardener says, I ought to add,
The centipede is not so bad;
He rather _likes_ the brutes.
The millipede is what he loathes;
He uses fierce bucolic oaths
Because it eats his roots;
And every gardener is agreed
That, if you see a centipede
Conversing with a milli--,
On one of them you drop a stone,
The other one you leave alone--
I think that's rather silly.
They may be right, but what I say
Is, "Can one stand about all day
And _count_ the creature's legs?"
It has too many, any way,
And any moment it may lay
Another hundred eggs;
So if I see a thing like this (1)
I murmur, "Without prejudice,"
And knock it on the head;
And if I see a thing like that (2)
I take a brick and squash it flat;
In either case it's dead.
A.P.H.
(1) and (2). There ought to be two pictures here, one with a hundred
legs and the other with about a thousand. I have tried several artists,
but most of them couldn't even get a hundred on to the page, and those
who did always had more legs on one side than the other, which is quite
wrong. So I have had to dispense with the pictures.


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