Until then she must go about with her whole head sick and her
whole heart faint; neither could she for many weeks rid herself of the
haunting notion that the banker, who was chiefly affected by her
crime,--for as such she fully believed and regarded her deed,--was fully
aware of her guilt. It seemed to her, when at any moment he happened
to look at her, that now at last he must be on the point of letting her
know that he had read the truth in her guilty looks, and she constantly
fancied him saying to himself, "That is the girl who stole my money;
she feels my eyes upon her." Every time she came home from an errand
she would imagine her master looking from the window of his private
room on the first floor, in readiness to cast aside forbearance and
denounce her: he was only waiting to make himself one shade surer!
Ah, how long was the time she had to await her cleansing, the moment
when she could go to him and say, "I have wronged, I have robbed you;
here is all I can do to show my repentance. All this time I have been
but waiting for my wages, to repay what I had taken from you." And,
oddly enough, she was always mixing herself up with the man in the
parable, who had received from his master a pound to trade with and make
more; from her dreams she would wake in terror at the sound of that
master's voice, ordering the pound to be taken from her and given to the
school-fellow whom, at the cost of her own honesty, she had befriended.
Oh, joyous day when the doom should be lifted from her, and she set
free, to dream no more! For surely, when at length her master knew all,
with the depth of her sorrow and repentance, he could not refuse his
forgiveness! Would he not even, she dared to hope, remit the interest
due on his money?--of which she entertained, in her ignorance, a
usurious and preposterous idea.
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