But she had searched without avail. Even the
diaries, curiously frank and without reserve, never mentioned the name,
so far as she could find, though here and there were strange allusive
references, hints of a trouble that weighed her down, phrases of
exasperation and defiance. One phrase, or the idea in it, was, however,
much repeated in the diaries during the course of years, and towards the
last almost feverishly emphasised--"Why should I bear it for one who
would bear nothing for me, for his sake, who would do nothing for my
sake? Is it only the mother in me, not the love in me?"
These words were haunting Hylda's brain when the telegram from the
Duchess of Snowdon came. They followed her to Heddington, whither she
went in the carriage to bring her visitor to Hamley, and kept repeating
themselves at the back of her mind through the cheerful rallying of the
Duchess, who spread out the wings of good-humour and motherly freedom
over her.
After all, it was an agreeable thing to be taken possession of, and "put
in her proper place," as the Duchess said; made to understand that her
own affairs were not so important, after all; and that it was far more
essential to hear the charming gossip about the new and most popular
Princess of Wales, or the quarrel between Dickens and Thackeray.
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