The mind did not shrink from any thought of the dangers in which he would
be placed, from any vision of the struggle he must have with intrigue,
and treachery and vileness. In a dim, half-realised way he felt that
honesty and truth would be invincible weapons with a people who did not
know them. They would be embarrassed, if not baffled, by a formula of
life and conduct which they could not understand.
It was not these matters that vexed him now, but the underlying forces of
life set in motion by the blow which killed a fellow-man. This fact had
driven him to an act of redemption unparalleled in its intensity and
scope; but he could not tell--and this was the thought that shook his
being--how far this act itself, inspiring him to a dangerous and immense
work in life, would sap the best that was in him, since it must remain a
secret crime, for which he could not openly atone. He asked himself as he
stood by the brazier, the bowab apathetically rolling cigarettes at his
feet, whether, in the flow of circumstance, the fact that he could not
make open restitution, or take punishment for his unlawful act, would
undermine the structure of his character.
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