Whiskey lifts me above the posishun--pork brings me back agin. It's fat
and greasy, like the pay and perquisites uv the Postmaster--it comes
from the most nasty, senseless, and unclean uv animals, like our
commishuns--in short, I recommend all uv Johnson's Postmasters to eat
pork. It's ther nateral diet.
Last nite I partook uv a pound or so too much, and ez a consekence,
didn't sleep well. While I wuz eatin (moistnin my lips with Looisville
conslation the while), I wuz a musin onto Seward's question, whether
they wood hev Johnson President or King, and while musin I fell in2 the
arms uv Morfus. My mind bust loose from the body and sored. Ez I sunk to
slumber, the narrow room, wich is at wunst my offis and dormitory,
widened and enlarged, the humble chairs become suddenly upholstered in
gorgus style, the taller dip become multiplied into thousands uv gorgus
chandileers, the portraits uv His Highness the President, and the other
Democrats on the wall, became alive. I comprehended the situation to
wunst. ANDROO JOHNSON had cut the Gorjan knot with someboddy's sword,
and hed carried out his Policy to its nateral concloosion. He was King,
and wuz reignin under the title uv ANDROO THE I., and I wuz (in my dreem
uv course) in his kingly halls.
It wuz, methawt, a reception nite. His High Mightiness wuz a sittin onto
a elevated throne, covered with red velvet, and studded with diamonds,
and pearls, and onyxs, and other precious stones--onto his head wuz a
crown, and he wuz enveloped into a robe uv black velvet, his nose and
the balance uv his face gleaming out like a flash uv litenin from a
thunder cloud.
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