One enthoosiastic individual, who hed bin quartermaster two years, and
hed bin allowed to resign "jest after the battle, mother," wich, hevin
his papers all destroyed, made settlin with the government a easy
matter, wuz so feroshus that I felt called upon to check him. "Gently,
my frend," sed I, "gently! I hev bin thro' this thing; I hev my
commission. It broke out on me jest ez it hez on yoo; but yoo won't git
yoor Assessorship a minit sooner for it."
"It ain't a Assessorship I want," sez he. "I hev devoted myself to the
task uv bindin up the wounds uv my beloved country--"
"Did you stop anybody very much from inflictin them sed wounds?"
murmured I.
"An ef I accept the Post Orfis in my native village,--which I hev bin
solissited so strongly to take that I hev finally yielded,--I do it only
that I may devote my few remainin energies wholly to the great cause uv
restorin the 36 States to their normal posishens under the flag with 36
stars onto it, in spite uv the Joodis Iskariots wich, ef I am whom, wat
is the Saviour, and--and where is--"
Perseevin that the unfortunate man hed got into the middle uv a
quotashen from the speech uv our noble and patriotic President, and
knowin his intellek wuzn't hefty enough to git it off jist as it wuz
originally delivered, I took him by the throat, and shet off the flood
uv his elokence.
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