_They hed
the impudence to refoose to wait on us_, and for a half hour the
imperial stumick wuz forced to fast. This alarmin manifestation uv negro
malignancy alarmed His Eggsalency. "Thank God!" sed he, "that I vetoed
the Freedmen's Buroo Bill. I hev bin Alderman uv my native town--I hev
swung around the entire cirkle, but this I never dreemed uv. What would
they do if they hed their rites?" The insident made an impression onto
him, and at Chicago he resolved to trust em no longer. He ordered his
meals to his room, and sent for me. "My friend," sed he, "taste
evrything onto this table."
"Why? my liege," sed I.
"Niggers is cooks," sed he, "and this food may be pizoned. They hate me,
for I ain't in the Moses bizness. Taste, my friend."
"But spozn," sed I, "that it _shood_ be pizoned? Wat uv _my_ bowels? My
stomick is uv ez much valyoo to me ez yourn is to yoo."
"Nasby," sez he, "taste! Ef yoo die, who mourns? Ef I die, who'd swing
around the cirkle? Who'd sling the flag and the 36 stars at the people,
and who'd leave the Constooshn in their hands? The country demands the
sacrifice; and besides, ef yoo don't, off goes yoor offishl head."
That last appele fetched me. Ruther than risk that offis I'd chaw
striknine, for uv what akkount is a Dimokrat, who hez wunst tasted the
sweets uv place, and is ousted? And from Chicago on I wuz forced to
taste his food and likker--to act ez a sort uv a litenin-rod to shed off
the vengeance uv the nigger waiters.
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