I felt that sumthin must be done, and therefore
I went to Washinton.
Knowin that for men uv my profound convickshins, holdin my views ez to
consiliashen and sich, I hed no call to go to the Postmaster-General,
who is a Ablishnist, I went dreckly to the Second Jaxon hisself. I
succeeded in gettin a audience late in the afternoon. Our patron saint
wuz a sittin at a table, eggsausted with receevin delegashens and sich.
"Well," sed he.
"Honerd and spected sir," said I, "I am a applicant for the post orfis
at Confedrit x Roads, wich is at present held by a Ablishnist who does
not beleeve in yoor policy, wich I do beleeve in solemnly. Spected and
honered sir," sed I, "ef I shood have twins born to me this nite, I
shood name em both Policy."
"Wich State are yoo from?" sed he, half asleep.
"From Kentucky, honered and spected sir," sed I.
"Well," sed he, yawnin feerfully, and turnin to a clerk, "FILL OUT A
PARDON, AND GIVE HIM A COMMISSION!"
"Honered and spected sir," sed I, in a fit of loonacy for wich I can't
account, "I don't need a pardon. I wuz never in the late lamented
Confedrit servis."
"What'n thunder, then, are yoo here for, beggin a post offis? Git out,
yoo imposter!" and I wuz too wunst ignominiously showed to the door. I
didn't quite understand the lay uv the land around the White House.
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