Hed I sed
"Saulsbury," it mite have ansered, but to give Sumner's name for a drink
uv gin wuz a peece uv lunacy for wich I kan't account. I wuz
ignominiously kicked into the street. Drinks obtained at the expense uv
bein kicked is cheep, but I don't want em on them terms; my pride
revolted, and so I emigrated. The gentlemanly and urbane conductors uv
the Pennsylvania Central passed me over their road. They did it with the
assistance uv two gentlemanly and urbane brakesmen, wich dropped me
tenderly across the track, out uv the hind eend uv the last car.
I found here a church buildin, uv wich the congregation had bin mostly
killed in bushwhackin expeditions, and announsin myself ez a
constooshnel preacher from Noo Gersey, succeeded in drawin together a
highly respectable awjience last Sunday.
Takin for a text the passage, "The wagis uv sin is death," I opened out
ez follows:--
"Wat is sin? Sin, my beloved hearers, is any deviashen from yer normal
condishen. Yoor beloved pastor hez a stumick and a head, wich is in
close sympathy with each other, so much so, indeed, that the principal
biznis uv the head is to fill the stumick, and mighty close work its
been for many years, yoo bet. Let yoor beloved pastor drink, uv a nite,
a quart or two more than his yoosual allowance, more than his stumick
absolootely demands, and his head swells with indignashen.
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