He constantly settled his moral
accounts by setting down on the credit side "Self-contempt to balance,"
a method of mental bookkeeping by no means rare, albeit seldom carried
on in connection with such clear powers of moral discrimination as
Fenton possessed when he chose to exercise them.
"If you chance on ill-luck," he ran on, arguing aloud with himself
concerning the possible consequences of betraying Mr. Hubbard's trust,
"you'll be glad you were happy while it was possible; and if the fates
make you the one person in a million, by letting you get through life
decently, you surely can't think it would be better to spend it moping
until you are incapable of enjoying anything."
The form of his speech was still that of one talking simply from the
point of view of his hearer. It did not for a moment occur to Damaris
Wainwright that in all he had said there had been anything but a
perfectly disinterested discussion of the principles involved in her
own questions and in her own perplexities. Yet, as a matter of fact,
his words were but the surface indications of the conflict going on in
his own mind. He was arguing down his disinclination to accept the
obvious and dishonorable means of escaping from an unpleasant position;
he was fighting against the better instincts of his nature, and trying
to convince himself that the easy course was the one to be chosen, the
one logically following from the conclusions forced upon him by his
study of life.
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