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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg"

"Order! I now offer the stranger's remaining document. It
says: 'If no claimant shall appear [grand chorus of groans], I desire
that you open the sack and count out the money to the principal citizens
of your town, they to take it in trust [Cries of "Oh! Oh! Oh!"], and use
it in such ways as to them shall seem best for the propagation and
preservation of your community's noble reputation for incorruptible
honesty [more cries]--a reputation to which their names and their efforts
will add a new and far-reaching lustre." [Enthusiastic outburst of
sarcastic applause.] That seems to be all. No--here is a postscript:
"'P.S.--CITIZENS OF HADLEYBURG: There _is_ no test-remark--nobody made
one. [Great sensation.] There wasn't any pauper stranger, nor any
twenty-dollar contribution, nor any accompanying benediction and
compliment--these are all inventions. [General buzz and hum of
astonishment and delight.] Allow me to tell my story--it will take but a
word or two. I passed through your town at a certain time, and received
a deep offence which I had not earned. Any other man would have been
content to kill one or two of you and call it square, but to me that
would have been a trivial revenge, and inadequate; for the dead do not
_suffer_.


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