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Chambers, Robert W. (Robert William), 1865-1933

"The Green Mouse"

Now, permit me to inform you, for the hundred and first
consecutive time, that I have nothing to say--which won't prevent you
from coming back in an hour and standing in exactly the same ridiculous
position you now occupy, and asking me exactly the same unmannerly
questions, and taking the same impertinent snapshots at my house and my
person!"
He executed a ferocious facial contortion, clapped the monocle into his
left eye, and squinted fiercely.
"I'm getting tired of this!" he continued. "When I wake in the morning
and look out of my window there are always anywhere from one to twenty
reporters decorating my lawn! That young man over there is the worst and
most persistent offender!"--scowling at a good-looking youth in white
flannels, who immediately blushed distressingly. "Yes, you are, young
man! I'm amazed that you have the decency to blush! Your insolent sheet,
the Evening Star, refers to my Trust Company as a Green Mouse Trap and a
_Mouse_leum. It also publishes preposterous pictures of myself and
family. Dammit, sir, they even produce a photograph of Orlando, the
family cat! You did it, I am told. Did you?"
"I am trying to do what I can for my paper, Mr. Carr," said the young
man. "The public is interested."
Mr. Carr regarded him with peculiar hatred.
"Come here," he said; "I _have_ got something to say to _you_."
The young man cautiously left the ranks of his fellows and came up on the
porch.


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