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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Mike and Psmith"

Dinner was just over when Mr.
Downing arrived, as a blind man could have told.
The sergeant received his visitor with dignity, ejecting the family, who
were torpid after roast beef and resented having to move, in order to
ensure privacy.
Having requested his host to smoke, which the latter was about to do
unasked, Mr. Downing stated his case.
"Mr. Outwood," he said, "tells me that last night, Sergeant, you saw a
boy endeavoring to enter his house."
The sergeant blew a cloud of smoke. "Oo-oo-oo, yer," he said; "I did,
sir--spotted 'im, I did. Feeflee good at spottin', I am, sir. Dook of
Connaught, he used to say, ''Ere comes Sergeant Collard,' 'e used to
say, ''e's feeflee good at spottin'.'"
"What did you do?"
"Do? Oo-oo-oo! I shouts 'Oo-oo-oo yer, yer young monkey, what yer doin'
there?'"
"Yes?"
"But 'e was off in a flash, and I doubles after 'im prompt."
"But you didn't catch him?"
"No, sir," admitted the sergeant reluctantly.
"Did you catch sight of his face, Sergeant?"
"No, sir, 'e was doublin' away in the opposite direction."
"Did you notice anything at all about his appearance?"
"'E was a long young chap, sir, with a pair of legs on him--feeflee fast
'e run, sir.


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