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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Mike and Psmith"

Jackson; "I want you to listen
to this report."
"Oh, is that my report, Father?" said Mike, with a sort of sickly
interest, much as a dog about to be washed might evince in his tub.
"It is," replied Mr. Jackson in measured tones, "your report; what is
more, it is without exception the worst report you have ever had."
"Oh, I say!" groaned the record-breaker.
"'His conduct,'" quoted Mr. Jackson, "'has been unsatisfactory in the
extreme, both in and out of school.'"
"It wasn't anything really. I only happened--"
Remembering suddenly that what he had happened to do was to drop a
cannonball (the school weight) on the form-room floor, not once, but on
several occasions, he paused.
"'French bad; conduct disgraceful--'"
"Everybody rags in French."
"'Mathematics bad. Inattentive and idle.'"
"Nobody does much work in Math."
"'Latin poor. Greek, very poor.'"
"We were doing Thucydides, Book Two, last term--all speeches and
doubtful readings, and cruxes and things--beastly hard! Everybody
says so."
"Here are Mr. Appleby's remarks: 'The boy has genuine ability, which he
declines to use in the smallest degree.'"
Mike moaned a moan of righteous indignation.


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